xiao tian tian =)

4:34 PM

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Day 34 without you as my darling (23.01.11)

well...

i dunno if u still read my blog...

u never said anything much with regards to it..

so i guess u dun reeally visit it anymore.. ):

either way..

i shall note down wat im thinking and what ive did. (:

lets jus say its a way to let my emotions go loose and let everything out.

im gonna blog early today cos i have to travel to camp myself..

this week has been quiet a lonely one for me..

though its was very hectic and busy in camp..

but once nightfall arrives..

the emo me comes back again..

the 1st few days were still alright...

nearing the end of the week did things get harder to control..

i shall start with things in camp first..

lets see..

the whole week i was busy with preparing for IPPT and SOC..

quiet cool to be the one preparing the stuff and knowing all the admin stuff..

now tt i m in this position.. i will get in touch with all these stuff

knowing all the ''backstage'' work

and seeing how those admin site work so hard

jus to get trianing possible..

though it was very hectic and messy in a way

but i manage to pull it away and succeed (:

kind of happy tt this week was over..

and i also managed to apply my leave. (:

hopefully im able to spend some some time with u..

jus a little little will do..

im just left with 1 more week to think and prepare for u

though random thoughts keep coming into my mind..

but whether or not

my plan shall carry on..

i dunno whether this will be the last time

but i sure hope not..

this week i barely called u during the week..

as expected once school starts..

u will be a busy person again..

u text me saying u were studying at his house..

so i didnt want to call to disturb..

no matter how much i wanted someone to talk to..

since its just the start of the week i decided to jus ren..

hold it in.. maybe next few days can call.

on tuesday morning i was very happy (:

i dunno why..

jus cos u never stay overnight at his place..

i felt very elated knowing tt..

maybe its not because of me tt u didnt stay..

maybe is his parent not happy or ur sis..

but either way i jus felt cheerful tt day..

i choose to believe tt.. ^^

but as the days pass..

i can see..

ok more like hear..

tt u are very close with him..

it made me think of when we were in school..

mei shi mei ke.. as long as free

will be together.

i started to wonder is tt what is happening..

my heart jus sank on wed/thursday period..

everyday after school..

if u have nth on.. u will go his house to study..

well.. i cant comment or ask u not to..

after all im noone now...

jus hope u are enjoying urself and studying hard.. (:

on thursday night.. i really tot i can meet u on ffriday

to go catch a movie and dinner...

and go walk walk a while..

but u suddenly tell me need go bake cake..

i was like... kind of sad at first..

but thinking.. ehh its for beat right..

den my heart got better.. (:

i booked out quiet early on friday.. so i though i could walk around

and spend some time so tt u will finish baking

den we can at least meet a while..

but when i called and found out u are baking at his house.

i sort of breakdown..

this whole week we barely chatted

sum them all up its less than 3min i guess..

no matter how much i wanted to talk to you about my stuff

once i hear u are studying.. i jus stopped myself..

so u could concentrate..

i dun wan u to feel sad about results again..

i tried to control my feeling..

but by the end of the week.. on saturday..

a feeling of negligence came to me..

i feel insingnificant..

i feel so forgotteen..

i feel.. like a wasted nobody..

whether i lived or not.. it wouldnt make a difference to anybody..

when i send u breakfast on sat and u are not in..

im actually quiet sad.

cos i wun get to see u again for the week..

since im not see-ing you..

i decided to go find something to do..

so tt i wun think too much..

ends up..

i cant find anything

i ''played'' vball without enjoying as they were fooling around..

i tried to find clarence and chee but they were all busy..

im jus alone..

kudos to the great tf who always said he has more frens than u

ends up. when he really needed some company..

he cant find any..

since i cant find anybody i decided to go walk alone..

get my koi since i had a craving..

and after tt i decided to go walk ecp..

i know u were holding beat bday there..

so i decided to go there hoping to chance on fate i suppose

with ecp so big..

i doubt i can find u..

so i changed my objective to jus immerse myself in the place..

wanted to know why u like this place so much

often coming to this place..

i finally understand why.

its a very nice place to let ur emotions out i guess..

good scene and enviroment..

and a place of many good memories for u

during the period where

when many bad memories are given by me

i slowly walked from bedok... listening to my music..

and jus walking toward the direction of ecp

its the 1st time i walked from bedok so i dun really know how to go..

i jus follow the general direction and walked..

with my expert sense of direction i reached ecp..

i decided to walk to whole ecp at first..

started walking towards one end..

den i suddenly saw a tall guy with a short girl

OMG
its kok heng and sherley..

i guess its fate playing with me

such a big place yet i found u

but u werent around.. u went to buy ice.

i didnt want to show face so i jus carried on walking...

texted u but u never replied..

so i assume u were busy..

after reaching a certain point.. i U-turned and went back

decided to walk back to bedok and go home..

den i saw u back at the place..

i rmb the biscuit still with me so i wanted to pass u

but when i called and pass it to u

ur face doesnt seem very please..

im sorry i made u angry..

its selfish of me i guess.

i jus wanted to see u..

maybe tts wat my heart is telling me.

after passing u stuff i went home

though depressing but i force myself to go back.

i didnt want to bring u trouble nor agony..

thats when the feeling aggrevated..

during the 2hours trip back.

i didnt want to text u cos i dun wan u find me irritating..

and i know u are busy with the celebration.

i wanted to find someone to talk to.

i mass text a lot of ppl

yet nobody reply..

tts when i truely know im all alone.

when im so desprately finding someone to talk to except u

i cant find any.

not even a single soul replied me.

the 2 hours trip back was torturious for me..

i keep wanting to text u..

yet the other self told me not to.

ended up i gave in to loneliness and called u..

sorry i can last even a mere 2 hours without talking to u..

maybe i jus wan someone to hear me..

i jus wan someone to company..

this whole week i feel very neglected..

like nobody wants me..

everyone finds me a nusciance..

and everyone ignores me..

maybe tts why i keep irritate u..

cos i keep wanting to find u to talk to..

yet u seem so busy..

so i didnt..

i aint complaing to u..

jus wanna let u know how i feel..

i understand what is going thru ur mind..

and maybe possibily what u have already decided..

i dont mean to disturb u and interupt ur peacetime..

im sorry for everything i did to u..

sorry seems to be the only word i can tell you..

i hope our friendship wun die down..

i know what ever relationship we have..

be in friendship or ex.

its all very strained..

im sorry for causing tt..

there so much i wanna tell u

yet i dun wanna hurt u..

ARGH

there is a dumb fly biting me.

dam it..

im itching all over. ):):

shit tt fly lar..

hahahah

im goona prepare book in le..

hope i can call u tonight..

i really jus wanna hear ur voice and laugh and talk..

it jus gives me power and strenght to carry on i guess..

and today i finally understand hongjie's msn personal message.. (:

though there is many points im curious about..

but even if i ask u wun answer i guess..

i jus hope the best for the both of u..

though i do wish we can get back together..

tata zhi.

im gonna book back in le.

hope next week we can go out more k.

im sorry..

and thanks!..

byebye!!

11:24 AM

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 27 without you as my darling.. (16.01.11)

woooooooo

im gonna book in again):

the feeling sian..

but oh well..

without book ins.. ord wun come.. haha

yays..

one less book in till ORD !! =D

this week has been quiet a long one..

a lot of things to pick up and a lot of things to settle and learn

finally settled down in my new post

hopefully im able to live up to expectation..

my friends all think highly of me sia..

but i think i not tt high up leh.. i think i sure cui de -.-..

hopefully wun too cui lo..

sorry zhi zhi..

i made u sad and angry again i guess

i guess im trying too hard bah..

sorry..

i promise! this wun happen again

i have made up my mind of how to act le..

wun worry k..

with regards to ur post..

i hope tt day wun come though.. (:

sorry i made u cry so hard tt day

til ur eyes swell..

i see le heart pain pain..

but tt day i really wanted someone to talk to

it wasnt a very good day also..

many screw up happened..

den somemore i cant find u.

makes this even more..

+ my 'split' personallity

make me tend to be negetive at night..

end up said those stuff.

i didnt really mean them k..

dun think too much..

jus rmb this sentence

wat ever i say at night.

dun take it to heart too much..

someone the mood always affects my logical thinking and stuff

dam it

i jus can control myself nowadays....

argh.!

yesterday almost spend the whole day doing nth sia

morning took cab and rush over to get u breakfast

tot u will leave house early..

lucky u meet jiehan quiet late..

got u ur fave teh-o and porridge.. ^^

hope u liked it.

after tt went home.. unpack.. wash..

tried my best to arrange an outing..

went to bugis and walked with chee and ghim (:

at least i didnt spend the day alone.

haha

after tt i went home

and wash socks.. !!

OMG SIA...

i actually fell aslp washing halfway.. xD

but in the end manage to wash up everything.. (:

today i didnt really do much.

woke up and call some sleepy pig up

but she decided to lai a bit more and woke up at 10+..

hehs..

i wonder who is tt pig!! xD

after tt went to cut hair and buy lunch..

got some minor cuts on my head sia..

tt barber a bit zzzz

end up i reach home bathe tt time

wahhhh

very stinging.. ):

i took a snooze in the noon about 3+ to 4

and woke up to find mum mum to eat.... =D
after tt watch some rnadom show and eat dinner le.

YUM YUM!

today dinner was nice..

got fish and good soup (:

oh.. how i miss home cooking.. (:

didnt really went out with u this week..

but i was happy to at least saw ur face..

though neither of us were in a very cheerful mood

but this will never happen again (:(:

the next time we meet each oterh.

both of us will be happy face and with smiles.. =D

cant wait for my bday and urs!!

dun worry about mine k

the gift dun have nvm

jus need u to be aroudn and spend some time with me

im more than happy le..

look forward to urs k..

hope nth cocks up and screw my plan. (:

hope u will love it..

there is a perfect picture painted in my head. =D

im gonna pack up and book in le..

u going out to fetch ur niece now.

very funny sia ur mum

dunno how to say

purposely ask u call hj go..

cos she dun wan send u home and scared u go back alone..

oh well...

i guess the relationship between ur mom and him is quiet good bah

ur sis also

i see from fb wah... they added each toehr and will comment each other de sia..

guess he is quiet a faviourite in ur house le.. teehee..

oh well..

shall not brood too much into it. (:

im gonna back in bokok in le..

hope u dun reach home too late.

rest well k..

sat i see ur face. dun look too good..

take care zhi zhi

this month is some illness season

my whole bunk almost sick le..

dun fall sick k (:

rest early..!

night nights..

sweeyt dreams!!!!! (:

8:10 PM

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Day 20 without you as my darling.. (9.1.11)

im gonna book in soon ):):

so sad..! ):

hopefully this week and the next few weeks will pass soon.. (:

den it will be 29 le.. class outing..

looking forward to 29...

tt day is sort of like..

a mystery for me..

i wonder who will rmb tt date...

wat wil happen...

wat surprise i will get..

or will i jus ping ping dan dan pass my 20th bday..

i guess only till tt day i wil know..

and i dun expect much i guess...

i gotta get used to a single lonely life..

oh well..

lets see on tt day.. (:

sat morning got enginneer family day sia..

went out early in the morning for the SAF event..

end up go there show show face..

den zao le..

hahahhaa

hitch a ride of my frens car to bugis..

was suppose to meet u..

but u aint feeling well.. and slept late last night

like 3am lo..

make me so worry.. i asked and u said nth..

i choose to believe so..

even though i know there is smth..

but if u dun wanna share.. den so be it..

it must be smth tt u dun wan others to know.

like how i have secrets i dun wan other to know..

i jus hope one day u will share..

dun keep everything inside k...

ur heart only 20GB

cannot save much stuff..

later overload den hang how?? ):):

reach bugis..

and i went to si ma lu sia..

went to temple and pray

1st time i went on my own. xD
kind of cool to go there with frens..

after tt went to bugis to walk a while..

my fren brought me to KOI!!!

woooo

my 1st KOI

virgin KOI!!

wooo

dam nice!! omg.. no wonder everyone queues for it..

its soooooooo OMG

i guess its BYEBYE sweettalk..!!!

u got owned so badly..

hahahahah..

im gonna drink it some time soon again (:(:

after tt.. i went to meet chee they all

had swensens for lunch!!

its raymond bday.. so we decided to celebrate

treat him to lunch..

after lunch went to shop around city hall and suntec area..

saw a few stuff but nv bought..

went to play prize stage.. quiet fun!

den after tt bought choya and went to clar house

chill out a while. and went home le.. (:

i guess the choya make me sick sia..

had sore throat since then..

hopefully will recover soon..

sunday i stayed at home most of the day..

wasnt feeling very well when i woke up

had a tight throat and feeling shitty..

sorry bout the msg..

i found out i have sort of a split personality sia..

-.-

feels so sian

my personallity changes with the light in the sky..

dark = emo

bright = cheerful!!

sian sia..

this thingy keep making me do errors.. haizz

stupid!!!!!!

XIAO FONG U ARE SO STUPID!!

went out to get lunch alone..

walked from home to bpp.. chatting with u (:

loco roco spree sia u..

AHHHahhhAHhhHH!!!

hehes..

ate mac + yogurt + tako..

so full! =D

was feeling quiet headache after i go home..

and think my body heat rising

took a nap and overslp a lot.

i even slp while talking to u

guess old habits die hard..

hahaha..

now im packing to go back camp le.. ):

need to bathe and head out le..

gonna be a long 5 days..

hope things goes well..

guess this blog will be quiet dead..

5 days no update only weekend den update..

oh well..

camp no internet le. ):

so jus got to live with it lo..

maybe i will write u mails.. (:(:

i read ur blog...

dun really wanna comment on it though..

thinking too much made me make a lot of mistakes in life le..

to me i jus wanna give u the best and cherish watever tt is left..

if fate was meant to be like tt..

i will be the hua tuo ye..

always beside u..

supporting u..

and neverending love for u..

risking everything for u..

but never asking for much back...

rest wel k..

school starting soon.. (:

i shall give u the most support i can k..

JIAYOU!

GUM PA TE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUAT AH!! Lol..

slp early..

night nights...

sweeeeet dreams..

as sweet as sweetwind de dreams.. (:

wan an zhi zhi!..

6:53 PM

Friday, January 07, 2011

Day 18 without you as my darling.. (7.1.11)

its friday!!!

BOOK OUT DAY SIA!!!

finally im out..

though the 4 days inside werent very shiong

but things will change soon

with all the old specs leaving

left with us newbie..

shit will start flowing down le ):

shall try to blog as much as i can rmb (:

tueday i went in den get my posting..

OMG

i will be in the office for the next 1 year sia..

im so gonna be fatttttt

):):

there goes my fit fit plans..

haizz..

plus the job is a bit notorious de....

very hard and demanding job lo..

sian.....

i went to report.. den haiyo..

lots of trouble..

but i manage to make quiet a few new ppl lar..

all from different background de..

and having all different kind of injury and stuff

cos usually those in office is got illnes or smth de mar..

they are cool ppl i would say..

but ppl tt are hard to handle..

hope i will get to know them sooner... (:

the job really very OMG sia..

require to do a lot of things..

its like admin.. yet not admin..

so its kind of hard lo..

den everyday there is smth to do

ur workpile will never finish de..

so its kind of sad....

hopefully towards the end will be better..

but for these few months..

there are lots to train though.. so yea lo.

kind of cui...

hopefully wun have data overflow..

the next few days are quiet repetitive lar ):

tts my life for 1 year and 2 month le.

been learning many new stuff each day

and getting to know the bigger picture and how thigns works..

its kind of cool in a sense.. (:

but hopefully thise feeling wun die off....

with my motivation burning less vibrant than before..

i hope it will relight up soon and guide me again..

well..

im gonna slp le...

went cwp b4 i came home and walked a while..

looked for gifts.. and though of many.. (:

and many stuff do brings memories...

hahaha....

speechlesss at times..

tearful at times..

when i see those stuff..

its like flashback happens..

i dunno if u do when u go cwp too..

well

off to slp..

nightss!!!

^.^

8:06 PM

Monday, January 03, 2011

Day 14 without you as my darling.. (3.1.11)

its 2 weeks le..

but to say the truth..

these 2 weeks there were ups and downs in my mind..

and the times we went out tgt were really dam nice.

so nice tt i cant believe it....

i really wish to freeze time sometime..

jus hope these images can stay with me for eternity. =D

today i woke up at 8 plus dunno for wat also..

jus cant continue to lai and fall aslp le..

so jus woke up lo =D..

played the piano.. eat my 1 piece bread breakfast..

den watched next stop.. exciting sia..

and so sadddddd ):):

after 1 episode..

i went out to the post office to get my stuff sent ^^

hope u get them soon k..

i tot will take quiet long.. end up quiet fast..

got home with lunch at 12+

from 12+ to 6... didn do much.. took a nap..

which wasnt very good..

had bad dreams. ):):

den continue to watch my next stop..

i think now on the next stop.. will only make me cry

i dunno why.. many scene like very touching

i jus eyes wet wet le.. den sometimes got water roll down.

den got 1 episode my sis sit beside me watch.. i dare not drop water sia..

scared she ask why....

i remeber got 1 scene.. they taking photo before he go surgery..

the uncle said smth.. den i cry le... ):

''photography is magic tt can make a momeny into an eternity''

tt sentence i kind of rmb..

it made me think when was the last time we took a photo ):

i really miss those day where we jus went out..

walk some place we never did b4.. and took photos..

all the happy moment..

lucky we did have some..

so i can still look back at them when im lonely.. (:

there was another scene.. after they slept de..

den both naked lie there..

the mu cheng said smth like..

'' love is like monopoly... there is chance and fate.''

'' its a 50:50% thing''

''getting to know and date u is 50% chance..''

''the rest is up to fate to get 100%''

smth like tt.. though my tranlation sucks.. haha

i dunno why.. cry sia..

this small small thing also cry.. OMG

i feel sooo nooooob... ):

den got another scene.. they meet after 6 years le..

den the guang xi praise her..

say she smile tt time very nice..

i rmb saying tt to u also.. =d

i cry sia...

remembering ur smile...

sorry zhi..

i dunno why i so emotional today..

there is so much in my heart i wanna say..

but i will nv voice it out..

cos i dun wanna give u anymore bad memories..

or sad ones le.

i only wan u to have happy ones about me (:

this will be a locked box inside me =D..

zhi.. i miss you sooo sooo much..

sorry to get all emotional and stuff again..

but for the 1st time i cant control it..

and feel so worse..

even worse when i said those words tt time..

im sorry zhi..):

rest well k..

when u read this it might be very late at night le..

get some good rest...

and rmb to protect ur leg like how i told u too

it should feel better and not tt pain and irritating le..

text me when u back home safe and sound k..

night nights and sweet dreams...

^^ (:(: ^^

10:53 AM

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Day 13 without you as my darling.. (2.1.11)

today is sunday!!

one more day to book in. ):

wonder how life will be...

hopefully not too bad..

actually more shiong better i guess

in a way it will be better but maybe only for me.. (:

today u left for genting.. i feel so zzzz

cant even wake up to text u in the morning..

guess i m useless...

simple wake up also cannot.. ):

haiz.. missed messaging u at least a bit in the morning

woke up at 8 like tt. saw ur sms.. but i guess u left le bah

did nth much in the morning..

watched doraemon.. ate.. played piano a while..

and i watched next stop le !

haha.. exciting sia.. but i epi 3 only..

hehehs..

after tt left for lunch and vball!!

today vball was quiet fun..

played quiet well and happy.. haha

after tt went for dinner and home le..

wondered when will u be home and online

and as usuall start thinking again ):

i was very happy when i heard u reach there safely..

sorry i cant text u much.. i aint tt rich though..

can only hope u online and chat..

anyway u coming home tml le..

hope u will enjoy the whole 2d1n trip there..

u text me say u not feeling well.. do rest more k..

i keep saying it. but dunno u will listen ma..

im kind of worried though..

hopefully u can take care of urself..

today other than vball..

nth really much..

i go home.. den started watching next stop again

i cried a bit sia.. the party quiet touching..

i feel so lousy these days

i used to not cry about such stuff de

now easily touched.. haizz

pussy fong le lar. -.-

i also kept listening to the songs sia..

so nice.. and meaningfull. hhehe..

you are online now..

but not replying me..

i wonder wat are u doing though..

guess either u very tired...

fallen aslp..

or busy doing other stuff bah..

i guess guess also will know..

guess i wun get to chat with u bah.

do enjoy ur trip den..

i dun have much to say too..

other than ''penning'' down my thoughts later..

today has been a lonely one..

i guess this is wat the rest of the days will be bah..

book in and out wun make much difference le.

the whole remaining 1 year 2 months..

will be like tt..

i better get used to it..

dunno wat will happen tml and this week..

im really scared actually..

haizz.

well as usual.

dun scroll down if u dun wanna see what might make u sad

its ur choice..

if u feeling happy now.. STOP!!

and good nights..

sweet dreams zhi zhi (:

well...

today is another flashback day..

lets see..

it went back to.

roughly not long ago..

u already in uni

i remember one day..

we stand down at ur hostal downstair at the circular wooden thingy

we talked for quiet some time and cried..

tt night u said many stuff

i was very worried actually..

i didnt wan to go home tt night de.

but i guess i die die have to

else u wun fang xin and cannot slp.

i rmb end up tt day..

he come and find u after me.

and i find u the next morning

end up u didnt slp much thru the whole night..

and i rmb he hugged u tt night..

hahahhahahha

im so good at such details..

the most importnat of all is wat u said to me..

and i guess im going to use it now..

maybe tts wat i really gonna be le.. (:
u said..

''ren ben lai jiu ji mo de mar.''

''maybe im really a tortise.. im jus gonna go back into my lonely shell

hide inside and live my own life.. my own lonely life..''

after tt isnt really impt.. like wat he say he will break tt shell etc etc..

haha..

i though back..

maybe wat u said tt time

really applies to me now.

maybe i should have been lonely

after all ive been lonely for the pass 18 years of my life

only not lonely for 1 year plus..

so actually i should be lonely..

maybe im also a tortise..

i shall jus keep my head in

live in my own shell and my lonely life..

dun care about wats happening outside..

maybe i really should..

i guess its time tt i do...

sooner or later..

11:58 AM

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Day 12 without you as my darling.. (1.1.11)

wooo nice date..

1.1.11

guess since there is 4 ones..

every moment someone is thinking of me..

hehe..

but i guess it wun be u bah (:

somehow today is the first time

i cant get enuf slp sia.. yet i cannot fall aslp..

i slpt at 3am last night.. and woke up at 8am..

tot can at last slp till 10am. den shiok shoik 7 hours..

end up cannot fall aslp and wake up..

lets see..

morning wake up eat lor mee!!

wooo

my parent went for morning walk and to the market..

nice breakfast!..

after tt time to do house work le..

need prepare for CNY

so better start cleaning some stuff..

changed the living room curtains and clean the living room windows..

now its sparkling clean lo

very clear without any stains..

hopefully can last till CNY

took the whole morning doing tt..

cos need take down curtain and put up a new set..

quiet ma fan..

lets see...

check list to clean!

1) my room window.

2) dinning room window

3) study room window

4) piano

5) tv console

6) living room glass door

7) OMG

there is so much left to do!!

ahhhh

dunno if can finish even if i do one every week lo..

better chiong soon

dun wanna let my mama do...

she doesnt seem to be too well these few days lo

kind of worried tt the small one will give her problems..

hope my bro and da sao will take leave to help out too. (:

after doing the chores..

i went out to prepare for zhikai yanshuang and kunyun bday le

jan 3 and 4 peeps..

end up i rotted literally..

i went early..

but they say dun need so early le.

so i went to some person house to rot for awhile..

and help carry the stuff over when they were ready..

took the train over to marina..

wahh i tell u

its dam -.-

the train conductor also dunno saying wat..

we got stuck at city hall

den suddenly *ding dong*

*blah blah blahs*

dun understand

wait for 15min

reach raffles place..

stuck agian...

den he blah blah again

waste time sia

end up from city hall to marina... took like 20+ min

after reaching marina..

waste time agian..

the bloody shuttle bus..

took like sooooooo long to reach lo..

wasted so much time..

almost didnt make it in time to prepare the place

haha..

when we reach there still raining sia

end up settle at a corner under shelter..

but to be frank we set up the place quiet nice.

im quiet impressed at how she managed to think of such stuff..

haha..

spend the rest of the day at barrage..

playing games.. eating and talking crap..

hehe..

zhi zhi

we should go marina barrage at night someday..

the night view is realllly dam nice.

so unlike the day view we saw...

espcially so many ppl flying kites lo..

den the sky got a lot a lot of lights..

den u can see mbs and sg flyer de lighting..

the view is really..

niceee!!

too bad it was cloudy so cannot see star star..

we should go there some day..

some day... (:

after tt.. we made our way home from marina..

took quiet long for me to reach home though..

i slp most of the distance away.. haha

reached home bathe and manage to call u

for yi xia xia (:

well.. now is already no longer 1.1.11 le..

nobody misses me now.. ):

well..

imma go orh orh le.. late late liao..

night nights..

hmmm how about thought of the day..!

dun scroll down if u dun wanna read (:

its very saddening de.. trust me..

today on the way home from the lrt to house

took a slow and long walk..

as usual.. once the night comes..

my brain cells auto activited.

kind of saddening though

i kind of recall the past during the walk.

from the day we started out..

the very first date..

all the way to the day it ended..

all the memories..

all the anger and stuff..

and the things ive done wrong.

many other random thought came.. though briefly..

i rmb the day b4 i enlist...

we had ajisan..

it was really i very sudden meeting though

i nv got u anything.

u jus ask me if we can meet..

i also rmb ttt u gave me tt book few days before

so tt there is smth to read..

im sorry tt i didnt update it though i said many times i would

guess i didnt really put in much effort tt time..

i rmb crying tt day

but i guess u didnt see

cos im too good to hide..

u see me sad sad and tried to console me.

i rmb those words u say

though may not be the exact.. but roughly like tt..

''dun worry la.. i will wait for u (: ''

with a smile..

at tt time..

i really felt like.....

bursting in tears..

i was really touched....

and with those words.

i confidently entered NS without worrying too much..

from bmt to sispec.. to where am i now

i never really did worry much till the last portion of the whole journey

these words keep ringing in my head..

it was really smth tt motivated me thru the tough times..

ur smile..

ur hand..

ur laugher..

everything about you...

but now.

im not really sure

i guess ive lost my motivation le..

lucky for the break.

i was able to sort of pick myself up slgihtly..

and at least not let my men see me like tt..

i dun really know how im going to survive the last 1 year 2 months..

i really hope smth will drop from the sky and tell me

COME ON TF! and motivate me.. (:

but i guess from here on..

i need to be really self motivated to be able to lead my men

need to find a new source i guess (:

well.. tts the end of the thought of the day i guess..

haha..

continue tml!

i shall try to recollect every moment we have tgt. (:

1:58 AM

Day 11 without you as my darling.. (31.12.10)

its the last day of the year ler!!

omg..

i didnt manage to be home to blog on time

end up its posted on 2011 le ):

todays is 31st le..

omg!

few more days and im back in..

i cant believe it

u finish folding so fast sia..

end up i worried tt u might be lonely

kept thinking of ideas to pass u new stacks..

how can i be so forgetful or not xi xin

to get them for u yesterday sia..

i wanted to post over..

but it wun make it in time

i even though of going over tml..

but i checked le..

cant ):

better no try to break rules like wat many others do

dun wanna risk any chances..

sorry...

hope u dun feel lonely in genting

hopefully by tml i can think of smth for u to do

so tt u can be occupied. (:

hmm lets see

morning i woke up quiet early..

played some piano and seee my sis trying to salvage the netbook

while playing piano

i tot of the air on G string sia

watch too much next stopp le

hmm maybe i should change

watch too much episode 1 of next stop le

4 times le sia xD

cant wait to continue watching

so exciting sia

after playing piano..

went to help out around the hse a bit..

took care of nephew and stuff

time somehow pass very fast when u worry about stuff

keep thinking of how to pass u the packets of hearts

12 plus le.

so i went out buy lunch..

called u for a while

but u sounded busy

so i guess i shall not disturb u bah.

plus u going eat lunch also.

after buying lunch

i faster ate finish.

see-ing that i have to reach clar hosue at 3..

and need to go post office to check out some stuff..

i ate changed and left hosue le..

my mama kind of shocked i left house so fast though

went to popular to get the hearts..

and walked to post office

i asked tt guy if can reach u tml..

he say cannot sia.. ):

i wanted to go for plan b le.

go find u tml

but i text chee ask him he say cannot ):

haizz

guess it wasnt fated bah.

so let things be lo.. ):

but im still gonna send smth over..

hahaha..

i haven send yet though

in the midst of preparing. (:

after checking..

walked from post office to clar house..

and time to party!!

ok lar..

not really party..

there wasnt much people though..

hehs..

reached there early in the end..

so i sort of nua-ed in his room

watch big bang theory with him and laughed lo..

after tt chee they all start coming in

and we went on gaming spree (:

ordered pizza hut and kfc for dinner

wahhhhh

i tell u ar..

today de kfc is OMG!

the cripsy is like

black pepper plus crispy plus OMG chilli oil?? plus xxx hot stuff

super hot sia

it doesnt even taste like crispy lo..

its like chiiiili chicken!!!!!!!!

i ate only 1 piece.

left the rest for those chilli eaters..

hehe..

luckily i know my phone will low batt

brought my chargers..

so manage to text u whole day..

well heard u had crab for dinner

hope it was nice..

the party started late evening

when more ppl came in and things get more cozy

hahaha

kunny drop by for a while. (:

we played till 11 and started watching count down

hahaha

got so many comment sia we all.. xD

i wanted to text the system

to show some message

so i asked u if u watching chnl 5

end up u not watching..

so i didnt send lo ):

hahaha

but nvm lar...

after watching the zzzz concert..

finally its nearing 12am le.!!!

wooo

i wanted to wish u happy new year

so when left 1 min

i called u

quiet happy u picked up la..

tot u will leave u hp at some place and go see fireworks le..

managed to wish u happy new year as wat i wanted

but..

well i dunno how to say though..

u never even wished me anything

i guess its i didnt hear ba..

hopefully it is..

even after we smsed..

u never said anything..

well... haha...~...

after tt saw the 8 min fireworks on tv..

quiet cool sia..

too bad cannot watch it at the place..

so croweded plus no transport le..

after tt i went home le..

guess hes still at ur house so i didnt call

i think he will stay quiet late too

so i decided to take my time home

i walked super slowly..

though about many stuff

including those i wanted to think yesterday but never did..

i know u wun like reading it

and everytime u ask me whether im ok.. i alwasy say nth..

if u dun wanna read den jus stop here k.. night nights..

if not read on if u wan bah (:

i guess u have the right to know wat im thinking bah

ive been thinking..

yesterday u told me there was a point of time hj keep going ur hse

and stayed quiet late to chat..

ur mother approach u once

and asked who issit u really like...

me or him..

i know tt he will definitely go ur hse more often than me now..

so u said its him..

it will save more trouble bah..

tts wat i though when u told me yesterday

and tts why u dun wan me go ur hse..

cos u are suppose to have left me...

and in not much contact le..

only till today i started thinking

i wonder if im reading too much into it though..

but i guess i finally understand wat went thru ur mind to pick him

instead of me bah...

though it may be an asummption

but oh well....

today when u make finish..

i tot u will really ask him to buy the hearts to fold..

i dunno why.. im quiet protective of it bah..

though it may not be of much significance to u..

but to me it holds a lot i guess

tts why i dun wan anything to get it except either me or u

everytime i fold it.

i always think of u

even when things are getting bad..

very very bad..

these heart remind me

everything was worth a try

jus do ur best tf..

things will turn ok soon! cheer up tf..

believe in her tf..

trust her....

when u are with him..

and when u stayed over at his place..

these hearts tell me

dun be angry tf..

big heart a bit tf... she will understand one day de..

take it in ur strive like a man tf..

after all its for her good.. she will benefit from it..

so why worry tf.. its good!

though i kind of predicted tt it will never hit the quota i though of at first

i jus kept folding....

to me...

tt can of hearts.. though very ugly i would say

has lots and lots of significance in it to me.

i dunno about u though..

but now since its urs..

its urs to decide lar..

im jus glad after some chat u understand how much it is to me..

and ask him to get smth else for u to fold..

i really happy about it ^^

thanks zhi zhi

on the way home today

i though about how im going to live the next year thru

without you around..

where can i get my motivation from

when things get hard..

who shall i work towards to..

the 1st person i though of was u..

i dunno how long it will last..

i hope it will..

i still have many other thoughts..

but guess im goonna slp..

leave tt for another day bah..

plus u finished all ur stuff le.

maybe can call u for a min?

heheh..

nites nites..

sweet dreams zhi zhi!

thanks for everything (: